Lord, I wanna go to heaven. But I don’t wanna go tonight.

Am I the only one on the face of the planet that knows this song? Probably. It is as country as country can get. But the words speak truth for many people. Coming off of my post about being attached to this world, I thought it might be fitting to talk about death. What a fun, inspiring topic.

Has anyone ever seen the movie “P.S. I Love You”? Talk about an extremely depressing movie. The first time I saw this movie was when I was pregnant with Jud. Ok. Not the brightest idea to watch an extremely depressing movie since I’m a girl. But an even worse idea to watch it while pregnant. Seriously. Makes my Top 10 worst ideas ever list. I was literally clinging to J, weeping uncontrollably, begging him (through sobs) to never leave me. Oh yeah. One of my finer moments. And then for days after, I could just look at J and start sobbing. Emotional wreck is the understatement of the year.

So. Being the smart person that I am who learns from her mistakes, I watched it again last week when it came on tv. Though still depressing, I was able to handle it much better this time:) But it made me think (again) about how attached I am to this world. I was reminded of the song I quoted earlier. Are we having so much fun here that we don’t wanna go to heaven tonight? Don’t get me wrong. Fun is not a bad thing. My husband and my son are not bad things. They are amazing gifts. But when I become so attached to them that the thought of losing either one of them sends me into the emotional breakdown of the century, it’s not so good. Not just for my emotional well-being (that’s a whole other issue). But for my relationship with my Savior whom I claim to love above all else. God is a jealous god. And rightly so. If I gave my one and only son up to die a horrible death in order for a people to have a right relationship with me, I’d be pretty jealous too.

I know we, being the good little Christians that we are, would never say, “Lord, I wanna go to heaven. But I don’t wanna go tonight.” But are we living like this? Do we fear or dread death? Think what you want of me, but I live like this every day. I not only don’t wanna go to heaven tonight, but I don’t want my family to go either. Man. I am uber selfish. I should be striving for the day when I get to meet my Savior “face-to-face.” And it’s not that I don’t want that. It’s that I have other things I want more right now.

Am I the only one? Honestly? What things are crippling your desire for heaven? Maybe I’m the only believer with this problem. And that’s ok. I don’t mind admitting that I am still so far from the person God wants me to be.

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