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Sometimes I feel like this should be my anthem. I work with crazy. My life is crazy. I am crazy. I really don’t think I would survive without crazy in my life. So it’s completely fitting that the new adventure in our lives proves to be crazy, as well.  I’m not really sure where to start, so I’ll start at the beginning.

Those who know us know that we have had a heart for adoption for a long time – so I’m not going to go into specifics about how and when we knew adoption was the journey God was leading us on. Jason and I both kind of assumed that we would do a private adoption, meaning a non-state funded adoption, aka not through the foster system. About 2 years ago, I wrote a post about how were going to sell our house in order to fund an adoption and yada yada yada. What led me to that conclusion was a billboard I saw about the foster system and how many children are in the foster system. I remember driving to SC in the summer of 2010 literally weeping (no comments about how I cry at anything, Jeremy Echols) over the heartbreaking statistics. And I thought, “Now’s the time. We have to adopt a baby to keep one more from being in the system.” To make a long story short, obviously God had other plans. We weren’t able to sell our house right away, meaning we didn’t have the funds to be able to afford said adoption. I threw my crazy self back into school and the timing was just all wrong. We talked about pursuing adoption again after I finished school.

In March, I received an email from the hubs with the title “what do you think about this?” I opened it unaware that a single email would change our lives forever. It was a link to the Adopt Us Kids website – which, for those of you who don’t know, is a website with postings of children in the foster system who are eligible for adoption. The link he sent me was to a specific group of siblings – 3 to be exact – and I believe my reply was something like, “3 more kids all at once? H no!” Then I started perusing the website. I stumbled upon a different group of 3 siblings and began to weep. I emailed the link to J with the request that he find out what we needed to do to begin pursuing the possible adoption of these 3 beautiful boys.

As I was viciously preparing for our home study this morning – you know. cleaning up toys, my child’s poop & pee, my dog’s pee, those type of things – I was reminded of the billboard I saw almost exactly 2 years ago and how my heart broke because I didn’t want anymore kids to become a part of those statistics. God started speaking to my heart. “What about those already in the system? What about those who are already damaged and broken and still cannot fight for themselves?” See. I wanted a baby because it comes with less of a mess. Obviously, adoption period comes with a mess. But a baby, I still have the power to keep terrible things like molestation from happening. A baby, I still have to power to make sure they are “trained” the way I want from the beginning. A baby, has less potential to shatter my already existing family. A baby, can’t reject me and my family. A baby, comes with less risk. And these are the reason I wanted a baby. Sure. I like to sound noble and pretend that it’s because I don’t want them to become a statistic. But really it’s all about what would be more convenient for me. Because kids don’t just end up in the system because their parents died or left them (some do). The majority of the kids in the system are there because they have been physically abused, emotionally abused, sexually abused, neglected, etc.

They have already seen evil at a very young age and with that comes consequences.

According to the most current AFCARS (Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System Report) Report, released in June 2011, there were approximately 408,425 children in the U. S. in foster care on September 30, 2010. That means 408,425 children in our own backyard have most likely been mistreated in some way. Heart breaking. Utterly heart breaking. I have learned that sibling groups and bi-racial children are the least likely to be placed. I mean honestly. Who in their right mind would take on 3-5 additional kids overnight? I admit. I feel crazy most days with the thought of bringing in 3 kids. At the same time. In a matter of months. Um. Can you say panic attack?

But otherwise, they remain part of the 408,425.

So here we are. On this insane (let’s just admit it) journey to, hopefully, adopt 3 beautiful boys. To give them the opportunity to be a living example of what our Savior did for us. To give them the opportunity to have a family full of crazy, but free of abuse & neglect. I ask that you pray for us. Like I said, most days I feel crazy. I mean, just 1 kiddie makes me want to run screaming for the hills sometimes, okay, oftentimes.

But I cannot allow my fear to outweigh these boys’ need.