Several of you have requested a blog about the new little guy in our lives. One friend told me that she might start stalking me like I did my favorite blogger a while back until I wrote a new blog. That is a huge compliment. And I would sit down to try and the words just wouldn’t come. I don’t like writing for the sake of writing. I don’t like reading when other people write for the sake of writing. I get through and I feel like I just read a lot of information without a lot of substance. This is also not my story to tell. I will remind you again, dear friends, this story belongs to God. He is the author. So I just couldn’t type out a bunch of words without substance, especially because I want my Father to be made known through every avenue of this journey. Including this silly little blog.
A few weeks ago, a friend asked me if I had any insight as to why God would ask us to take in our last 3 foster kids. I had and have done a lot of reflecting on this question. I’m still not entirely sure the answer. I do know that our obedience was tested to capacity. There were so many things that happened before the final straw. In just 3 short weeks, I probably wanted to give up at least 100 times. I had to continually remind myself of obedience. And even with what happened, I still sometimes wonder if we gave up too early. Part of me thinks what happened with the kids was preparation for the news we received just a few weeks later about my step-dad, Scott. Part of me thinks it was to teach us of our limitations in love in order for us to truly appreciate love from the Father. I don’t know the right answer. I know God was not the source of what happened, but I do think He has allowed us to be tested. Why so much in such a short amount of time, I may never know while I live in flesh. But I do know that God is making Himself known to many because of our sufferings. The incredible proclamation that we have already been able to make to those who do not know is amazing.
And I know, when I stand face to face with my Savior one day, I will say it was worth it.
Shortly after the kiddies were removed from our home (like within a couple hours), J looked at me and said, “This only makes me want to do this more.”
Can I tell you how much I love my husband, my helpmate?
I could not say the same thing in that moment. I wanted to run the other direction. I was ready to lock my family away in our home and never come out again. Some days, I still want to do that. But slowly over the next few weeks, God started reminding me of the urgency of His initial call to adopt through the foster system. You cannot imagine what these kids have been through. I promise. It is heart-wrenching. It is angering. It is unjust. And no matter my fears and doubts and selfish-ness, they need homes. They need families. They need people to love them.
And though my love is limited, our God’s is so unlimited.
So a little over a month ago, we requested to be put back on the list for a foster care adoption resource for 1 child under the age of 2. Over the next several weeks, my desire for another baby grew immensely. For those who know me well, you know what a big deal that really is. I was never the girl obsessed with babies. I hate changing diapers (not that anyone really does enjoy this duty). I hate losing my sleep. You have no idea how much I hate losing my sleep. I do not like the spit-up and the drool and the not understanding what they want. But I found myself daydreaming about babies. And then the night before we got the phone call about Baby Boy, I prayed about having a baby.
I expressed my crazy desires to my loving Father and left it in His hands.
If you are ever in doubt about God giving His children good gifts that they ask for, please remember this story. The next morning, I received a text from J asking me to call him immediately. There was a 6-day-old baby boy that needed a home. Immediately. We said, “Yes.” And here we are.
There were no flashing lights. There were no fleeces put out. There were no seeking tons of opinions and advice. There were just open doors and open hearts.
We have so much love for this tiny, tiny person. And that is both incredible and frightening. Because it means we could get hurt. Again. It means that we could go through suffering. Again. It means that I could end up on my kitchen floor. Again.
But I know, when I stand face to face with my Savior one day, I will say it was worth it.