I love my husband. I have committed all my live long days to him. And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But sometimes, I just really don’t like him. He drives me crazy with his very strong opinions about how the dishwasher should be loaded. He can be insensitive sometimes and the counselor in me just cannot take it. So sometimes I don’t particularly care for him. And sometimes he doesn’t particularly care for me, as hard as that is to believe since I am always lovely to be around. I pout when I don’t get my way. I am always concerned with feelings and if we’re ruining our children. I squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste. I’m a subpar housewife. (No, really. I am.) I am insanely stubborn. And I don’t check pockets before I do laundry so an entire load of his super nice dress shirts were ruined by an ink pen once. But I always love him. And he always loves me. At the end of the day, I know that he is for me and he loves me and he wants good for me. Even when he drives me mad. I know I can trust him.
I feel the same way about God. Sometimes I just really don’t like God. I don’t like the things He asks me to do because they require something of me. Sometimes they require really hard things of me and I just don’t like to do hard things. I don’t like what obedience to the Father costs me. I don’t like what obedience to the Father costs my family. I want things to go my way. All the time. And so I go through seasons where I just don’t like God very much. And I’m tired of doing all of these hard things. If you have been following our crazy little life at all in the past 3 years, you know that we’ve had some really difficult things to walk through. And sometimes I just don’t want to walk anymore. I stomp my foot, poke out my bottom lip, and say, “No, God,” in true baby-of-the-family-fashion. And then He doesn’t take no for answer bc well, He’s God and I’m not. So I just get mad and decide I don’t like Him right now. But at the end of the day, I know He is good. I know He is for me, for better and for worse. And even though I don’t really like Him right now, I do love Him. And even on my hardest days, I know I will follow Him even to death. Because where else would I go? Who else would I turn to? And even though my hands are shaky and my knees are wobbly and I just want to lay down for a while, I will still keep running the race. Because at the end of the day, I know He wants good for me. At the end of the day, what I really want is to be like Him and I know all of these hard things are conforming me. Even when I think I just don’t want to be conformed anymore because it is just too ridiculously hard. Even when I don’t like Him, I know I can trust Him.
I love how C.S. Lewis describes Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia, “Of course He’s not safe. But He is good.” God is not safe. He will ask you to do seemingly crazy things sometimes. He will ask you to give up a lot. He will lead you to paths of righteousness paved with pain and hard things sometimes. You might not like Him all the time.
But at the end of the day, He is good.